LGBTQ+ Family Parenting Guide

More than one million same-sex couples live in the United States alone. A historically heteronormative legal structure that is slow to adapt has made it challenging for these couples to build their families with ease. As a result they often incur hefty costs financially and legally in order to fulfil their desire. As well, socially, same-sex families still face bias and stereotypes, again fuelled by the same heteronormative history. In this article we shall look into ways that these families can thrive even with a slowly evolving society.  

Same-Sex Families

592,000 unmarried same-sex couple households were recorded in 2020, and in 2021, 1.2 million households of the same structure were recorded. Due to the aforementioned history, these families face scrutiny and exclusion which limits their freedom to simply enjoy raising their families. While admittedly, these attitudes are changing, and children from same-sex families have no deficiencies with regards to healthy development, these families still require social support in order to thrive.

Challenges Facing LGBTQ+ Parents in Starting a Family

Laws and Regulations

One of the major aspects that have a negative effect on same-sex families is the law. Federal Law does not prevent these couples from building their families, but sometimes, State Laws could. For example, there are 14 states, in which child welfare agencies are allowed to refuse to give families and children of same-sex couples support services, if it clashes with their religious beliefs.  

As you can see, it puts a family in a challenging situation where they are free to live in the state, but have no way of receiving crucial family services when they are in need. This in essence limits settlement options for LGBTQ+ families, because they may not always be free to live in the State of their choice.Therefore extra considerations must be made before building families and settling down.

The Cost of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

The cost of LGBTQ+ family building is quite high with assisted reproductive technologies such as IVF beginning at $20,000, surrogacy cost ranging upward of $100,000, and additional legal fees to process family building and parental rights. 

Tips for Raising a Child in a Same-Sex Family

While parental responsibilities and welfare concerns for children are not exclusive to a specific family structure, but cut across even religious affiliations and cultures, LGBTQ+ families also have to contend with cultural bias and stigma, which are used against them in court battles to either limit or prevent them altogether from building their families. These couples do better when they are living in inclusive communities where they have support groups for themselves and their children..

Support Groups

Historically, community centers have been a place where families of all persuasions have found a sense of community, and the same is true for LGBTQ+ families. The social events and support groups foster camaraderie, build trust, and allow people to find acceptance. In inclusive communities, these families find the support they need. There are options for online communities as well, which cast a wider network for LGBTQ+ families, providing even more resources that families can use.

Diverse TV and Books

Developmentally, children thrive when they feel seen and accepted. For children of LGBTQ+ homes, seeing themselves and their family structures represented in the media they consume also reinforces a sense of wellbeing with regard to their unique family structure. As well, when heteronormative families and individuals are open to make connections with these families, it reduces their own bias.    

Check for Inclusivity

While having inclusive communities and consuming diverse media is of value, the institutions and organizations where LGBTQ+ families receive services ought to be regulated by inclusive policies that are against bullying and discrimination of these families. This is particularly vital for their young children who require supportive nurturing communities to thrive. 

Therapy and Counselling

Due to the constant challenges faced by LGBTQ+ families, psychotherapy is vital to help them process their life experiences, in pursuit of mental health. The advantage of psychotherapy is that it is available in many forms - online and in-person, for children and for couples, as well as specializations that cover various aspects of challenge faced by LGBTQ+ individuals and families.

Additional Resources

Finally, there are organizations who focus on giving support in various forms to LGBTQ+ families such as:

• The Trevor Project: that focuses on suicide prevention among LGBTQ+ youth.
• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE)  which offers support to children from LGBTQ+ families
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): gives support and educational resources to those who are a part of the lives of LGBTQ+ individuals and families.
• Gay Parent Magazine:  informs and educates through the experiences of what LGBTQ+ couples go through as they build their families.
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): This organization provides civil rights and equality for the LGBTQ+ community .
• Strong Family Alliance: provides both the support and resources that parents whose LGBTQ+ children are coming out require.  

In Conclusion

Despite the challenges that LGBTQ+ couples face, they work to raise wholesome children just like any other parent would. The resources and support systems for these families are continuing to grow, enabling them to build and raise families. Among them is Virginia Fertility & IVF which gives a wide variety of family-building services, including some that are specific to the LGBTQ+ community.